If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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