Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
