I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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