I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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