after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
