his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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