Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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