Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
