you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
