my mouth tastes like poor choices
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
