I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
