Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
