**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
