mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
