Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
