he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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