What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
