I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my liver is dry heaving
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
