It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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