my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
