i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
