i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
