There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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