I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
