Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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