He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
