Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
