You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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