Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
