saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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