I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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