I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
