I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
