its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
