he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
