dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
