Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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