its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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