You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
