i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
