you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
