I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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