Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
