Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
