There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
