the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
