I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
