quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
