How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
