Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
