i don't like sucking hair
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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