I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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