I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
