that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
